Talk Dirty to Me
by fbeauchamphartz
Summary: Bored in the middle of math class, Sebastian texts his boyfriend, hoping he can get Kurt to sext with him...but Kurt, not entirely thrilled with his boyfriend, just isn't having it. Kurtbastian. Kurt H. Sebastian S.
**A/N:** **Written entirely as text messages, and I apologize if that's annoying, but it was necessary. Inspired by this prompt, which I would advise reading after you read the one-shot .vu/post/144056782242/imagine-your-otp.**

To: Kurt

Kurt?

To: Kurt

Are you awake yet, Kurt?

To: Kurt

Kurt? Oh, Kurt?

To: Kurt

Wake up, Kurt.

To: Kurt

Wakie-wakie, eggs and bakey, Kurt.

To: Sebastian

WHAT!?

To: Kurt

Hi :)

To: Sebastian

What the fuck do you want?

To: Kurt

What crawled into your briefs and bit you on the ass this morning?

To: Sebastian

Definitely not you.

To: Kurt

That's kinda why I'm texting.

To: Sebastian

And why's that?

To: Kurt

Because I'm horny as fuck.

To: Sebastian

Way to keep it classy, Smythe.

To: Kurt

Come on, Hummel.

To: Sebastian

Come on _what_?

To: Kurt

Talk dirty to me.

To: Sebastian

Yeah, right. Aren't you supposed to be in math class?

To: Kurt

I _am_ in math class.

To: Kurt

I'm horny _in_ math class, so I'm texting you _from_ math class.

To: Sebastian

Doesn't the professor mind?

To: Kurt

I don't think that my being horny in his class is any of his business.

To: Sebastian

Doesn't he mind that you're texting in his class, you nimrod?

To: Kurt

I'm in the back row of a packed class with one-hundred and eleven other students in it. I'm sure he doesn't have a clue.

To: Kurt

So…

To: Sebastian

So…

To: Kurt

Come on! I'm bored to tears and my dick's hard as a fucking rock! Tell me you wanna tear off my clothes or something.

To: Sebastian

I wanna tear of your clothes or something.

To: Kurt

Kuuuuuuuuuuuuurt!

To: Sebastian

You're the only person I know who can whine via text message.

To: Kurt

Repeating word for word what I say is not very original.

To: Sebastian

I'm just doing what you asked me to do.

To: Sebastian

You see, because I'm a nice, considerate, giving kind of boyfriend. And when you ask me to do something, I do it.

…

To: Kurt

Oh God…what did I do now?

To: Sebastian

You obviously don't give a shit or you'd know.

To: Kurt

I give a shit!

To: Sebastian

Really? :/

…

To: Kurt

You're right. I don't give a shit. But since this is impeding my need to hear how badly you wanna fuck me, tell me anyway.

To: Sebastian

If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you.

To: Kurt

Don't do that.

To: Sebastian

Don't do what?

To: Kurt

You know what. The moody, passive-aggressive bullshit. Just be a man and tell me what's wrong.

To: Sebastian

Fuck you very much.

To: Kurt

Well I'm trying, but you're PMS-ing on me.

To: Kurt

Tell me you want to suck my cock.

To: Sebastian

Suck your own cock!

To: Kurt

Now, you see, _that_ my professor would mind.

To: Sebastian

FUCK…OFF!

To: Kurt

Calm down, Mussolini! Why the fuck are you angry at me?

To: Sebastian

Why the fuck am I angry at you!?

To: Kurt

Is there an echo?

To: Sebastian

Ha-ha…

To: Kurt

Just…will you please tell me!

To: Sebastian

You want me to tell you?

To: Kurt

Yes. I want you to tell me.

To: Sebastian

Fine! You want me to tell you, I'll tell you!

To: Sebastian

I woke up late because my alarm didn't go off.

To: Sebastian

And my alarm didn't go off because _you_ couldn't be bothered to re-set it after _your_ alarm went off first!

To: Sebastian

You took an hour long shower this morning and used up all the hot water, but couldn't lift a finger to wash a single God dammed dish!

To: Sebastian

And because there were no clean dishes, you grabbed breakfast at the deli on the corner on the way to school, without giving a single thought to the fact that _I_ might want to eat something, but there wouldn't be a single clean dish for _me_!

To: Sebastian

But that's ok, because I'm running late anyway!

To: Sebastian

I took a thirty second shower in ice cold water, ate stale cereal (because you don't seem to know how to roll the bag to keep it fresh) straight out of the box…

To: Sebastian

…and to top it off, I'm supposed to be at work in fifteen minutes, except I don't have any clean uniforms because you can't see fit to carry the fucking laundry basket four feet from the washer to the dryer and FILL IT!

To: Sebastian

Monday, Wednesday, Friday are my cleaning days. Tuesday and Thursday are yours, but you're not doing your share!

…

To: Kurt

So…

To: Sebastian

So…

To: Kurt

Is that all?

To: Sebastian

What do you mean _is that all_?

To: Kurt

I mean, did anything else horrible happen this morning as a direct result of my selfish and thoughtless actions?

To: Sebastian

Surprisingly enough, that's all for now.

To: Kurt

Do you think you'll ever be able to forgive me?

To: Sebastian

Over time, I think I'll be able to curb my thirst for vengeance, yes.

To: Kurt

So, you're just standing in the laundry room, waiting for your uniforms to dry?

To: Sebastian

Them and about 95% of my clothes and underwear, yes.

To: Kurt

So, can you tell me one thing?

To: Sebastian

I guess so. What?

…

To: Kurt

Does that mean…you're naked right now? ;)

…

To: Kurt

Kurt?

…

To: Kurt

Oh, Kurt?

…

To: Kurt

Kurt? Are you there, Kurt?

…

To: Kurt

I'm still bored, Kurt.

…

To: Kurt

Come on. Help a brother out.

…

To: Kurt

I take it you're still mad at me, aren't you?

…

To: Kurt

Oh, shit…


End file.
